BZ Book Review 15: <How to Love> by Thich Nhat Hanh
Key Takeaways
1. Mindfulness and paying attention to the present could bring peace and happiness. Happiness is the food for love. When you are happy, you become capable of loving both yourself and others.
2. When our heart is small, the tiniest fault could enrage us. However if you expand our heart and become compassionate and emphatic, we could treat life with certain kind of peace.
3. What is true love? True love is not about what you stand to gain, but rather about recognizing and understanding the suffering of others. You will be filled with a sense of pure joyfulness. In the beginning, it focuses on one person and later it will expand to all living things.
Here are the four defining traits of true love
Loving-kindness: using mindfulness to make others happy.
Compassion: let us see the suffering of others
Joy: lasting and deep happiness
Equanimity/Inclusiveness: dissolve the boundaries between yourself and another person so that their suffering becomes your own.
4. Love requires you to trust and respect both yourself and your partner
Loves always begins by looking inwards. This self-love will help you achieve a state of respecting and trusting your own body, the uniqueness of yourself as an individual. By accepting yourself as you are, you can seek comfort and shelter from your body in troubled times.
Love is a two-way street. Not only should you trust and respect your partner but also you need to let them know that. Talk with them and share your thoughts with them.
5. Partners should share the same aspirations. Share your value, life goals and talk about what is important to both of you. Deep listening will help this process.
6. Love involves becoming mindful and learning how to play the role of a healer. You need to be able to ask for help when you are suffering. This is tricky especially your partner is the source of the pain. Be openly talking about it and let each other to be the healer.
Here are three sentences which may be helpful in the process
Firstly, tell your partner that you are angry and this is making your suffering
Secondly, tell them that you are committed to the relationship and trying your best to be loving
Thirdly, ask your partner to help you resolve the situation.
Word of Wisdom
1. “Ask yourself, ‘Who can I make smile this morning?, This is the art of happiness.”
2. “Your presence is an offering, like fresh air, or spring flowers, or the bright blue sky”
